Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
