wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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