No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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