This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize