Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
