I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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