in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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