I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, beer. Big fan.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
