oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
