So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize