So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
