I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
