it hurts more in the daytime
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
