HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
