I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
