in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
