party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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