No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
