I just pynch a tree in the face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
