You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
