You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
