he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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