i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
