Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I AM VODKA MAN
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
