am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I touched a dick in church today
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
