it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
