1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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