she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
