8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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