id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
