I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
