Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize