the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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