hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize