Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
