She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sobbing to NWA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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