Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
