He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
