Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
