listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
