I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize