actually, I'm a sock model
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
