if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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