chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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