i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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