ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
