just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
