K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We are two peas in an std pod
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize