she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
