i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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