Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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