I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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