I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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