So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
