1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
