my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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