talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
