Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
