What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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