I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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