she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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