marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
