You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
