so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
