I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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