I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
