we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
