no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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