Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
